Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Kids are disgusting.

Sometimes, writing topics for this blog are hard to come up with. Sometimes my brain just can't think of anything worthy of anyone else's time. 
This post isn't one of them. 

Kids are disgusting. Even my own. 
Sometimes I would say ESPECIALLY my own. 

Explaining my reasoning behind this very harsh, very true statement will require to take you on a journey through my day yesterday. 

Let's start from the beginning, shall we

6:30am rolls around and Abigail is screaming for dear life in her crib (totally out of character for her as she usually sleeps until we wake her or sits quietly in her crib talking to herself until we come get her). Billy & I run to her room and are quickly smacked in the face by the god awful smell as we walk through the door. We look at each other and say 'SHIT!'. We meant it literally and figuratively. Sure enough, we pick her up out of her crib and she has crap up to her ears. (It's worth noting that she had mushy black beans for dinner the night before...hey, if I had to see it, so should you!) After a quick & very careful strip down, homegirl gets plopped straight into the bathtub. 

Bath done. 
Time for breakfast. 

Breakfast consisted of yogurt and a pancake. 
Twice. 
Yes, twice. Because as soon as she was done eating it, she choked herself and puked it all up. 

Bath number 2 of the day. 

What seemed like 800 hours later, Abigail was dropped off at school and I was settled into my desk at work. Not 3 hours later I received a call from daycare. 'Hi mommy, it looks like Abigail might have pink eye. Her eye is kind of red. You need to come pick her up and she can only come back with a doctors note.' 
Oh, perfect. 
I hightail it to the school while on the phone with her pediatrician to get an appointment right away. 

I pick her up from school only to find that her eyes look perfectly normal. But she is still only allowed back with a doctors note. We get to the pediatrician and Abigail has a meltdown the second she sets eyes on the scale. She knows what's coming and she doesn't want any part of it. 
Thirty minutes of complete melting down, we get a clean bill of health.  No pink eye, no ear infections and a doctors note to go back to school. I drop her back off at school and I head back to work, first having to stop at Target to buy a new shirt because the one I was wearing was now covered in snot

She makes it through the rest of the day at school & I pick her up at 5:15pm to find that her eye now has yellow gunk hanging out of it. Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me?! 

Yes, folks. My child has pink eye from playing with her poop. 

We finally make it home and I walk into our house which smells of the shit stained PJs that are still sitting on our washing machine and the puke filled high chair that we didn't have time to clean that morning. 
I clean up and make Abigail some dinner. To which she finds entertaining to chew up, spit out and then place it in mommys hand. Laughing her ass off the entire time. 

Bath number 3 of the day occurs and this mama is happy that bedtime is near.
 As I go to diaper and dress my sweet, sweet baby she decides, mid diaper rash cream application to start farting on my hands. & giggling. 

I can't make this stuff up, people. 

True life: kids are disgusting. 


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